May 7, 2013
I have certainly been going through mounds of internal changes which are absolutely still integrating themselves through me, so maybe that's why.
But something that is present with me almost constantly lately is this awareness of how nothing about the way I've come to view myself, my life, or what I should or even could be doing with any of it is exactly right.
Something has so profoundly shifted somewhere that every exploratory step into the new seems tainted by old ideas. Even old, dependable things no longer seem quite right to me. And I find myself reaching for a new viewpoint where it can feel right and make felt-sense to me again.
It's a bit frustrating, since I can't quite find the shift I know is right... there ... just on the edge of my conscious understanding. But it's also exciting. I can feel the shifting even if I haven't quite fully arrived there will all my pieces and parts.