Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts

April 6, 2014

Why I Withhold Myself, and What I'm Doing About It

Something happened today. (Sunday, when I'm writing this.)

I woke up in tears. And anguish.

That is pretty rare for me to wake up with that much emotional pain, and crying no less, but it comes on the heels of some intense energy work yesterday that cleared a long standing energy parasite (like, one that's been with this body from conception) from my energy field.

It was awful to feel so much grief twisting through me this morning upon awakening from sleep, but powerful.

It demanded action. That's a good thing. It leads to release and resolution.

Intuitively, I believe I was finally feeling the things that the parasite was keeping hidden from my conscious awareness so it could keep it and feed from it. Things were erupting because they needed my attention to move through and awaken me along the way.

While the grief I was feeling was undoubtedly about many things, it focused consciously on 3 people I have in my life with whom there is a running thread of issues in the relationship. Issues I've been silent about. Accommodating about. Understanding about.

I've been holding the burden back from them and taking it upon myself to manage. 

Because I didn't believe they could do anything about it, why burden them with what's not working for me in the connection?

Wrong. Oh so fucking wrong.

June 9, 2013

I'm not even jealous.

People show you who they truly are and even when it's ugly, it's a huge gift if they show you sooner than later.

When that happens, I'm rarely 'happy' about it. I'm usually sad and angry.

But very quickly, I find myself feeling grateful for it.

When I see them chatting up others, sparkling, having a good time? I'm not even jealous. (And I can lean that way sometimes.)

On the contrary, I know what lies beneath that pretty version of an exterior, and I pity the poor soul who gets wrapped up in someone's projection, who doesn't get to see the truth until they are broadsided it. I've been there, too, and it's far, far worse to know later than sooner. I don't envy them, for they will surely find out for themselves.

No amount of good face, fun personality, intelligent conversation, or successful accomplishment overcomes bad character.

I thank the powers that be every time I am protected by having it shown to me as early as possible before I invest in a person - be that platonic or otherwise. Who needs people of bad character in their lives?

I'll take stellar character over any other quality, any day!

Sadly, it's a characteristic that seems to have gone out of style. What's in style is the 'illusion' of character. Fortunately, for those of true character, being in style has nothing to do with it.

Thank goodness for the good people of good character. Sometimes, they seem as rare as Unicorns, except they actually exist.

Keeping the light on,


April 3, 2013

Deconstructing Boundaries: When Fences Become Walls

I'm all about the boundary-setting. I think it's a damn fine idea to draw lines that keep you feeling good in your world. They keep the bad, distracting, yucky stuff out, and create space for all the good stuff you want to cultivate. Not that I draw them perfectly (meh - who does?), but I am definitely willing to draw them.

But... I'm questioning my usual approach to them right now.

I received some energy healing yesterday from the amazing Jo Dunning, and I woke up today feeling really differently (and a little uncomfortable) about how I've been doing this whole boundaries thing in my world.

March 25, 2012

Snap Out of It! (The Trance of Unconditional Love)

Unconditional Love has come up as a topic in my world a lot.

I usually hear it talked about like it's the gold standard of loving people or being loved by them.

It's often referred to in romantic connections, though it's also an implicit standard among platonic involvements. Most people, however, seem to be falling painfully short in finding this elusive ideal.

A recent batch of fresh conversation about this kind of love and the pain of not having it got me thinking again about the whole topic of Unconditional Love.


January 13, 2012

Quit Trying to Fix Me -- I Am Not Broken!

Supporting others, and being supported properly are passions of mine. This is probably because most people do this so badly, and as a sensitive person, I've been keenly aware of this fact.

So, naturally, when I recently saw this picture, it really hit home.

I wish people would understand that when others (or when I) show vulnerability or expose a difficult moment, it does NOT equal weakness, breakage, or any sort of wrongness or badness.

Do you want to help support someone in that kind of moment?

September 20, 2011

Getting and Giving Support

I had a really raw and vulnerable experience recently that gave me a lot of clarity about showing up for people when they're in pain of some kind.

Somehow, though I was the one in pain, I was able to be present in some way differently than before, and observe the experience in a way that was new to me.  I learned some great things!  I wanted to share my thoughts and conclusions in case it's useful for you, too.

So, here's what I discovered.

The people who cannot yet be with their own pain, cannot be with mine.

There are people who I really, really want to turn to who cannot be with me when I'm in the super raw and painful place.

I'm so vulnerable at that point, and they need to show up right or it's going to hurt more.

And, let's face it, it's not like I don't know they have problems and inconsistencies in how they show up for me.

But... I didn't realize WHY until this last time.

September 29, 2010

Manipulative "Friends"

What do you do when someone who is allegedly a friend lays their first guilt trip on you for not doing something they want you to do?

I was faced with this very question this past weekend.

A casual acquaintance had come to town in preparation for moving here and wanted to see me.  OK so far, but I didn't have the bandwidth.  So, I let her know via text that I couldn't this time, and wished her a fun and fruitful visit.  The next thing shocked me:  she tried to lay a guilt trip on me for "not making time in my schedule to see her". 



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