July 1, 2014

Released! Now what?

I woke up this past Saturday feeling incredibly excited. In fact, the excitement (and a bit of anxiety) had been building in me over a few days... maybe a week.

But Saturday I felt EXCITED. Like bouncing off the walls with an eager sense of something coming.

Then it came.

And now I'm grappling with the aftermath as I begin to adapt to a very different inner landscape.

So What Happened?

I've got to give you some history and context so it all makes sense when I get to the punchline.

June 22, 2014

Solitude: The Gift of Sacred Space.

Lately, I've been giving myself the gift of Solitude. 

Something had been itching at me inside for a while to go ahead and quiet everything down. One of those inner world itches, because it's not really about anything conscious... it's just this deep, intuitive urge.

On the conscious level, I knew I wanted to make progress in areas of my life that wanted some focused energy, and I knew I needed to eliminate some distractions for a while (like Facebook) from the equation in order to do that.

(Eliminating Facebook has had a shocking effect, actually. More on that in another post, probably.)

Mostly, though, I just needed to flip an inner switch and give myself that specific space without having to respond to others and their energy, their needs.

Give myself the permission to just respond to myself for a while, to pry the fingers of other people off my time, my energy, my thoughts as much as possible.

It feels like a kind of retreat. 

May 7, 2014

BE YOU. Let the Chips Fall - Squick and All.

When you are deeply yourself, out loud, people will sort themselves into your life, and they will sort themselves out. 

And it's good

Any 'losses' which happen are the right kind! 

The remaining connections are true, based in mutual alignment and acceptance - not based on falseness and hidden agendas.

I wish everyone operated this way, but they do not. 

So there is an added wrinkle... being alert for those who are false but choose to stay connected for ulterior motives. 

Those pesky hidden agendas can still factor in. 

Some connections may need to be intentionally ousted. 

And that's good, too. 

Underneath it all, we know if something or someone is a fit or not. 

I'd love to wave a magic wand and give everyone permission to act accordingly. 

Included in this wave of magical permission would be the freedom from second-guessing or ever feeling squicky about supporting ourselves this way... but supporting ourselves is the important part. 

Accompanying second guesses and squick don't matter in the end, and get easier the more we flex this particular muscle.

Let us all back up to truth, and rock on with honesty, peace, and freedom in our hearts. 


With love and affection for you being you - no matter what I or anyone else may think of it,


PS: I've been traveling deeply through the lands of living truer, bigger, and with oh-so-much-less angst about other people's opinions on my doing that. I look forward to sharing more with you soon!

April 23, 2014

The Most Bad-Ass Prayer I Ever Prayed.


That's what I found myself chanting.

Brought low by the terror and panic of a disintegrating life and losing my place in it, a life and version of myself I no longer knew how to shift... I finally flung open the door of my soul. 

I let myself hear the whispered words in the spaces of my mind. And I said them, reaching out with my whole heart to The Divine. 

Asking. Begging. Weeping. On the proverbial though not literal floor, and in a semi-trance. 

I was finally done resisting - at least right in that moment - the reality that this was bigger than what I knew how to fix. 

But a moment, a sliver of space, is all it takes.

April 6, 2014

Why I Withhold Myself, and What I'm Doing About It

Something happened today. (Sunday, when I'm writing this.)

I woke up in tears. And anguish.

That is pretty rare for me to wake up with that much emotional pain, and crying no less, but it comes on the heels of some intense energy work yesterday that cleared a long standing energy parasite (like, one that's been with this body from conception) from my energy field.

It was awful to feel so much grief twisting through me this morning upon awakening from sleep, but powerful.

It demanded action. That's a good thing. It leads to release and resolution.

Intuitively, I believe I was finally feeling the things that the parasite was keeping hidden from my conscious awareness so it could keep it and feed from it. Things were erupting because they needed my attention to move through and awaken me along the way.

While the grief I was feeling was undoubtedly about many things, it focused consciously on 3 people I have in my life with whom there is a running thread of issues in the relationship. Issues I've been silent about. Accommodating about. Understanding about.

I've been holding the burden back from them and taking it upon myself to manage. 

Because I didn't believe they could do anything about it, why burden them with what's not working for me in the connection?

Wrong. Oh so fucking wrong.


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